Saturday, November 22, 2008


8 wise men, they met in a room, to pick the men in blue
And before they emerged, all was out. But who, who, who?
Selectors? Captain? Or coach? Who is the mystery leak?
Call in the CBI I say, and let's find that blabbering beak.

Or go live on every channel, that's smoking in the air.
Give everyone a ear to the door, I think it's only fair.
Add a commercial break or two, rake in a million more;
Bring in the dancing girls, and you could make it four.

Let's play it under the lights, at the Eden, Kotla or Mumbai;
Coloured clothing, sponsorships, tickets. Surely that's okay!
A giant scoreboard and screen? To play back every catch?
When the circus is done, a prize for the man-of-the-match?

The Indian Selection League, sirs, is what I propose today
Make me the Chairman or CEO, I'll make the tamasha pay.
Much, much more moolah, than the IPL will ever bring
Poor Lalit will have to wait in line, while the Board my praises sing.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Yuvraj resorts to violence to regain his test spot

A battered and bruised England will bear testimony to the ferocity of this assault. 138 off 78 balls in the first ODI; 16 fours and 6 sixes included. 118 off 122 in the second with 15 fours and 2 sixes. Numbers that straightaway put Yuvraj at No. 1 in the list of contenders for the test spot vacated by Sourav Ganguly.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

From pauper to prince

'Twas a downpour of sixes 'n' fours galore;
The Poms only clapped, their legs too sore.
The crowd went wild, bayed for more blood,
And Yuvraj, he obliged with another flood.
Just after the game, I heard 'em voices ring;
"Singh is King, Singh is King, Singh is King."
Pause a moment, consider this irony;
The king just lost his vice captaincy.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Will it be CRICKET, after FASHION?

Who leaked the email to the press?

Who was partying all night before the game?

Who got caught?

Who did not?

Mr. Bhandarkar?

Page 3.


Traffic Signal.



Monday, November 3, 2008

The Wall next?

The Prince of Kol.


The Wall?

If the runs don't come at Nagpur, we might just see another institution pulling down the shutters.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

The wrong 'un

In a game inhabited by foul mouths and controversies, he was one who went the other way.

Anil Kumble.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Bong bong Lulu

Dilip is out,
Krish is in.
Dada was out,
Now he is in.

Don't toast this return
By the prince of Bong.
He'll be doing it again
Before too very long.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

A chat on a strat based on Vat

The Aussies are back to defend their prize
With more young legs, but a little less wise.
The great McGrath, Gilly & Warne are out;
But look who they've hired to stop a rout.
Not Murali, not Mendis as one would think

But a selection inspired by many a drink.
His first name is Greg, and Chappel the last
And that's where he left us in the recent past.
Now I'm hoping like hell (have my fingers crossed),
That Greg will do it again, at Ricky Ponting's cost.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Meet Pete

A dashing young batsman was Kevin Pete,
Who South African standards didn't meet,
So he packed his gear and
Flew to his mother's land
And now the Proteas at his hands are being beat.

Click here for more meat on Pete.

Out of the blue

This young Jamaican was trying very hard to be a fast bowler. Till a friend pointed out, that his run-up was quicker than his delivery.
So i
f not a record breaking sprinter, Usain Bolt might have been doing cricket in the Caribbean a few favours.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Dhoni ho tho sab changa!

Victory finally for the Men in Blue
Not 4-1, but a comfortable 3-2
No Veeru, no Tendler, no Lambu
Nor the ever reliable Jumbo.
Just Dhoni standing tall and true.
Leaving all, his absence in the Tests, to rue.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Was Dennis a menace even without the ball?

Lone before Dennis Lillee lost his hair, he lost his head. And if Ajit, Hindi cinema's best loved villain were at the mike, he'd say "Lillee, don't be silly".

Marcus Trescothick's 'Minternational' Career

Looks like Marcus Trescothick was chewing on a lot more than how to handle the Aussie bowlers during the 2005 Ashes series. By his own admission, he gives more credit to Murray Mints than the English bowling line up - Flintoff, Jones and Harmison.

More on this Minteresting story here.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


2 medals at the Olympics. Sushil Kumar, a bronze in wrestling, and Vijender Kumar in the boxing ring. The latter has a chance to go on and make a bid for a medal of higher value, as he has assured himself of at least a bronze by reaching the semi-final.

On a less important note, the highly overpaid cricketers of this country scraped past a measly Lankan total with just 3 wickets to spare.

I hope these sporting stalwarts receive the recognition and monetary reward they are due from the Government. It will be a shame if we ever hear of Olympic medals being sold in the face of poverty.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Slap 'n' stick comedy

Remember that bowler named Sree,
From beautiful God's own country?
At the end of a match
Only a slap did he catch,
At the hands of a gent named Bhajji.

Poor Sree, he shed tears galore,
And for the cam, wept some more.
Some asked for Bhajji's head.
Some begged pardon instead.
Said 'His passion just came to the fore.'

Much remorse to the table did Bhajji bring
When he sat down with the Judicial Ring.
Said "Sree is my brother,
I love him like no other."
And so Sree became Sri Santa Singh.

Monday, August 18, 2008

For better, for verse

Now there was a man named Singh.
Hitting sixes he said was his thing.
He once hit six in a row,
And earned a few crore
Now he's less batsman, more bling.

Mallika after Kirsten?

Why not?

I like the idea of Mallika's forehand going down the line every time someone misfields, bowls a wide, gets out for a duck etc. (Ugly aur Pagli has 99 references to the afore mentioned forehand.)

Statutory warning: The boys in blue might just take their eyes off the ball in order to receive a forehand at the hands of this delicious damsel.

It doesn't get verse than this.

There was a captain named Dhoni.
Said, 'I don't play just for the money'.
The reasons for our defeat,
Can be blamed on tired feet
And a choc-a-bloc itinerary.

The Board came back all flared.
'Go if you're tired' they dared.
'The IPL was the best
Time for you to rest
Now let us of your tirade be spared.'

So off he went on his much needed break
But not so long that his wallet would ache
Then he'd come back and win.
Master Murali-Mendis' spin.
And thus he did for his country's sake?

Alas the plot went ding dong
Someone sang another song.
The Indian team lost,
Gave credit to the host,
And Dhoni said, 'We read the pitch wrong'.


Ding dong bell,
Dhoni's in the well.
Who put him in?
A big mouth and foot within.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

M&M, not so sweet

Sri Lanka 600 for 6. With more centurions than the average Roman regiment.

India 223 for 10. Following on, 138 for 10. Ajantha was tremendis. And Murali's balls, well clear of Hair, crashed through Indian reputations and defences with predictable regularity.

Mendis finished with 8. Murali finished with 11. And India were well, just finished.

We come back again in a few days for another contest between the Paper Tigers and the Lankan Lions. It starts at Galle on July 31, 2008, and will in all likelihood hardly resemble a contest. (Just for the record, 'Galle' and 'maul' rhyme. Please note that I pointed it out first)

Till then, click here for a blast from the past.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Tennis the Mendis

With a grip on the cherry similar to that used by tweakers in the tennis ball version of the game, Ajantha Mendis is the latest virus willow wielders are facing up to. He's turned the ball, Sri Lanka's fortunes and a few batting averages the other way. Never has rush hour traffic back to the Indian dressing room been observed with a spinner operating.
And going by Ajantha's Asia Cup heroics on a flat, batting wicket, it looks like the Emerald Isle has found the successor to King Murali's throne.

More stats on Ajantha Mendis here.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Going public

The team's performance in cricket's summer slam has pasted a big, bold 'UNCOOL' on brand Royal Challenge. And Mr. Mallya's performance in going public with internal affairs only adds a bad taste.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Santa Singh?

Bye bye to bhai bhai

There's a line of defense going around saying Bhajji was provoked to play his forehand in the vicinity of Sreesanth's ear. Personally I haven't heard anything more stupid. As far as I remember, taking the law into your own hands is still a crime in this country. And if the BCCI won't oblige Sreesanth might want to refer the matter to the nearest cop coop.

Meanwhile the farcical drama to save Bhajji the blushes and a ban, touched soap operatic heights. The Turbanator and the Turbanated spoke of brotherly ties. And Sreesanth was adopted, perhaps without his prior consent. (Santhakumaran Sreesanth Singh? Or Santa Singh? He..he..he)

The final decision on this matter will still hover around cheeks, and the Turbanator might just have to pucker up for some very fervent kissing.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Notes from the IPL

The game seems to be further loaded in favour of batsmen. The boundaries are shorter.

The tables have turned. India now has the phirangs(cheerleaders) dancing for them.

The cheerleaders look fine, but the camera angles don't.

Sledging might become less prevalent. It's hard to be friendly team mates one day, and then be abusive opponents on another.

Cricket is taking on baseball hues. Finesse, style, and maybe even timing, will soon be lost causes.

I still wonder why Shane Warne retired. You will too if you've watched the Rajasthan Royals.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Blog and tackle

I understand the theory of not mixing politics and sports, but I fail to understand its application with regard to the 2008 Beijing Olympics. The world's largest sporting event will earn a huge sum of money for the Chinese Government. And as you know the bullets being pumped into Tibet don't come free.

Whose side are you on?

If it's China, you don't have to go any further than this.

If it's Tibet, copy these ads and post them on your blog, and pass the word on to other bloggers. If you're not a blogger, save the ads on to your computer and mail them out to as many people as you think might care.

Click on image to enlarge.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Please cast your valuable vote in favour of...

Keeping in mind the number of bans issued and reversed by the Pakistan cricket board in recent times, please vote on the question below.

How long will the latest ban on Shoaib Akhtar last?

a) 5 years
b) 5 months
c) 5 weeks
d) 5 days

Friday, March 28, 2008

Objection your Honour!

Can the BCCI deny a man the right to earn a living? I'm not so sure, but the board seems pretty confident that it can. The witch hunt to make every one of the ICL signees pay, for taking the road not travelled, has hit a new high.

The BCCI has objected to Mushtaq Ahmed and Rana Naved-ul-Hasan being given a NOC by the Pakistan board to play county cricket in 2008. And they're pulling all strings to cut the lifeline of these players. Delusions of power? Aided by a bunch of boards who are scared of taking on the monetary might of the BCCI?

I know where the last game of this match will be played. In court. A place where the BCCI has as much clout as the man on the street. Now the BCCI must realise that while it runs cricket in the country, it cannot run over the constitutional rights of a citizen. Nor can it tell another country how to run the game there. Sooner or later, some board's going to turn self-respecting and stick up a finger. Where? When? How? Wait. Watch.

Monday, March 24, 2008

India vs South Africa 2008, the series ahead

Much anticipation heralds the start of the India vs South Africa series beginning in Chennai later this month. The ghost of the series down under is slowly being laid to rest. Fading from memory is a series that was as forgettable as it was unforgettable, and looming large on the horizon are the hulking figures of Graeme Smith and company.

I believe this is going to be a much harder series for India than the one they've just emerged from. Not withstanding the retirement of Shaun Pollock, the South African attack looks sharper, and faster, than I ever remember it to have been. Dale 'the Gale' Steyn is blowing batting line-ups away with amazing regularity. Three out of three man-of-the-series awards is no little achievement irrespective of the opposition and the Indian batsmen will be well advised not to blink. Steyn hovers around the 150 kmph mark without straying from the space between off and leg stump. You miss, he hits.

Steaming in from the other end with the regularity of an electric train will be Makhaya Ntini. Angling the cherry away from left-handers and sharply into batsmen facing the other way. Then there's Morne Morkel who brings the ball down from what's nearly the peak of Petronas. Add the strong shoulders of Jacques Kallis to the equation and you have a pace attack with enough variety to trouble the best.

When it comes to putting runs on the board for the Proteas, two names come to the fore. Kallis and Graeme Smith. Necessarily in that order. These are the willow wielders I expect to hurt the Indian team's chances the most. The Kallis threat needs no introduction. He's been giving his bowlers something substantial to bowl at for years, and can be expected to continue the good work. Smith on the other hand is less predictable. But a look at his stats will convince you that when he scores, he scores big. And that's the danger. If out of 6 innings, he maximises in 2, the Indians are going to be chasing a very tall order.

To sum it up, the result of this series depends on how India handles Steyn, Kallis and Smith. If they strike gold, the home team will have to settle for silver.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Hair today, gone tomorrow

I heard this line in defence of the Lankan offie just after Darrel Hair called Murali for chucking.


Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Hair transplant

Uprooted. Treated. Now planted back again. Darrel Hair has been reinstated by the ICC and will return to umpiring at the head of international cricket. Cricket's governing body claims that Hair has successfully completed a 6-month 'rehabilitation' period.

Substance abuse? Gosh no! Hair is as clean as a bald man's pate. It's what the aggrieved country claims to be abuse of power. Remember, Hair first stood up in cricketing circles when he called Murali for chucking. The last was Pakistan for ball-tampering. Though nothing was proved to the contrary, Hair was cut down to size.

Now he's back in the thick of things, but indications are that it won't be for long. His contract expires in 2009, and by the looks of it ICC will be losing Hair then.

The cricinfo story is HERE.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Shahrukh saves Ponting the blushes?

Ricky Ponting must be a relieved man. He won't have to face Ishant Sharma till the next India-Australia series. Both will represent the Kolkata Knight Riders in the IPL.

Viewers on the other hand have been denied a kick-ass contest. And one sided as it would have been, it's always great fun to see a well walloped Aussie rear.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The men in yellow?

I just caught here that Australia's tour to Pakistan has been postponed due to security reasons. And as usual the mind begins to wander. And wonder.
Security concerns with able-bodied bouncers like Symmo on board?

Monday, March 10, 2008

'Keep your eyes on the bleddy ball, I say.'

This picture has been doing the rounds online. It seems to explain Yuvraj's fleeting visits to the crease, Dinesh's absence from the playing eleven and Robin's barely there double-digit average, in the series down under. Heh... heh... heh... Never mind. We won. Heh... heh... heh...

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Bhajji vs Australia

With all their attention focussed on teaching Harbhajan Singh a lesson, the Aussies missed something. The 10 others in the Indian team.

And when they awoke they also found a trophy missing from their cabinet.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

DisapPonting end!!

First it was their behaviour. Next their cricket. I'm loving it. I'm Indian.

Symonds bares it all

For an entire summer, it's been the topic of debate - Symonds' gentlemanly qualities on the cricket field. Today his full bodied tackle of a streaker half his size, clarified it all.

Which makes me wonder.

What did the the men in blue have to handle through the series from this barbarian? You'll agree there's nothing gentle about Andrew Symonds apart from his off-spin.

And guess what, I finally found an Aussie who agrees.
"The Indians are on to something with their Symonds obsession. The land of gurus and enlightenment know that we have a cricketer so neanderthal that he should sleep in a cage." Garth Montgomery, the Sydney Daily Telegraph's blogs editor, stands up for the naked underdog.

Here's the link to the others' reactions.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Aussies on song

For he's a jolly good fellow

And he's a jolly good fellow

And he's a jolly good fellow


Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Deja who?

After watching Dhoni put his match winning fifty together yesterday, I had this unmistakeable sense of deja vu.

And then it came to me.

Javed Miandad.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Holier than thou

Bastard can be forgiven.

Monkey cannot.

This can only happen in Australia.

Putting the monkey on the other shoulder

Bhajji went from a 3.3 offense to 2.8, and from a 3 test ban to losing 50% of his match fee.

Symonds went from being equally involved in the words exchanged to being let off scot free. That's the same offense for which Bhajji was fined.

Who, tell me, is the respected judge in this court? I'd like to press a charge of racial discrimination.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Jumbo vs the Li'l Master

On January 21, 2007

Sachin T
145 test matches
235 innings
11616 runs
Sachin's latest stats

Anil K
124 test matches
223 innngs
603 wickets
Anil's latest stats

Now I'd like to apply the popularly accepted conversion of wickets to runs.
5 wickets = 100 runs
So Anil Kumble's 603 puts him a tad over 12000 runs, which is a few tads more than Sachin Tendulkar in a few less matches.

I've just cast my vote on who I think is India's greatest cricketer. What do you think?

Monday, January 7, 2008

When in doubt, let's ask Ricky

Much has been said in the last few days about racism in cricket. Fingers have been pointed and decisions handed out. Opinions are everywhere. Culprits of the past have magically transformed into upholders of everything sacred, as they sermonise from the safety of the commentary box.

However, brushed under the carpet amidst the charge of racism is an equally important issue. Dishonesty, or to put it crudely, cheating. Both Ponting and Clarke claimed catches when the ball had clearly been grounded in the process of taking the catch. Isn't that bringing the game to disrepute? Isn't that putting to shame the cricketing fraternity and the Australian nation? Dishonesty is as deplorable as racism. While the charge against Harbhajan remains unsubstantiated, the evidence of poor sportsmanship is clearly visible in several replays. Ponting was guilty and so was the 'pup' who is expected to follow in his footsteps as the captain of the Baggy Greens.

I wonder what the ICC plans to do about it.
It's simply not fair to ask an umpire to be accountable for a wrong decision, when players go scot-free for deliberately misleading them.

And if wrong appealing wasn't bad enough, the players in question also turn up at the press conference and deny any knowledge of what happened, profess fair play and lay the onus on the umpires. Ponting even went as far as asking a journalist, "Are you questioning my integrity?".

I wonder what Ricky thought the whole matter was about.

Ponting's actions have brought not just the game, but also the Australian nation, to serious disrepute. India has only lost a test match. Australia has lost face.

Icky Ponting

It's amply clear from these 2 videos that Ponting's claim that the Aussies play 'fair and hard' is a load of nonsense. It also places conclusive evidence on the table of Ponting's high standards of honesty. He ought to be recommended for sainthood.

Saint Ponting. How does that sound?

I like Icky Ponting better.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

More examples of how the Aussies play 'fair and hard'

The Aussies seem to think they play fair and hard. Match referees seem to agree. What do you think?

Slater vs Dravid

McGrath vs Sarwan

Symonds vs Pathan

Greig puts McGrath on the spot

The Australian media point of view

And finally a funny look at it all

Able replacements for Warne and McGrath

The Australian team may have lost Warne and McGrath to retirement but they've discovered new talent from entirely unexpected quarters. Bucknor and Benson.

Shame shame, puppy shame

TV replays threw up a lot of doubts. But Michael 'pup' Clarke had none. Then Ponting raised the finger. Benson nodded. And Ganguly returned reluctantly.

Earlier it was Ponting. A ball comes off Dhoni's pad. Ponting dives to catch it. Appeals. Replays show the ball touching the grass as he landed. Ponting appeals again. This time on behalf of his integrity.

Seems quite apt that Clarke is slated to be Ponting's successor at the helm of the team from Down Under.

Men of the Match?

I simply fail to understand why Andrew Symonds was declared the man-of-the-match in the second test at Sydney. He contribution to Australia's victory was marginal when compared to some others on the field.

In my humble opinion the 2 men whose performances turned the game on its head are Steve Bucknor and Mark Benson. Surely they deserve the prize.